Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away
But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
"Ordinary World"
~Duran Duran, 1993
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Right Decision
For my entire life I have had a hand in animal rescue. I blame my dad. He was constantly bringing home homeless creatures: a skunk, a snake, a jackrabbit and others. After moving to Arizona, the salvation kept going. After my childhood dog, Socks, died, I went o the Humane Society to save another life to companion our other dog, Tara. Tara was heartbroken when she lost Socks. Then there were the sparrows, quail, cottontails and other desert dwellers. Eventually, I was back to cats. Clarabelle was found with her mother and littermates under a dumpster. Bailey was found hiding under the wheel of our truck. Katie Scarlet needed a home. Smokey was abandoned and mine for a few days when his family came back for him. Paul has had 20 some cats in and out of his life of cat rescue. For the last almost five years, it was cats only. When we moved in together there were 7 cats: Casper, Grendel, Pixel, Reece, Zelda, Clarabelle and Katie Scarlet and the two of us. Two years ago I had to place Clarabelle with my mother after Bailey died. She could not take the competition of 7 cats. It broke my heart, but I knew she was in the best hands. This September, the house was upped one cat, Diego and one dog, Daisy Mae. They were only going to stay until their previous owner could place them. Well, they stayed. Seven cats, one dog and two humans are a lot to manage. Then Mina came along. Which brings me to my story…
Monday morning Paul and I ran some errands. Upon our return from the morning errands Paul and I noticed 2 dogs running down our street. We went after them. Paul in one direction to the Brindle Bull Terrier, me after the yellow mutt-type dog. Thankfully, the yellow mutt had only gotten out of her yard and the owner was home. The owner was apologetic, but did not know anything about the terrier.
Who would know? Linda, the cat/dog sitter for the neighborhood. We asked and she was pretty sure the dog belonged to a person on our street.
After calling all the disconnected phone numbers on Spanky’s tag, Paul took him to the house believed to be his, left a note on the door, left him on a leash tied to the door and a bowl of water. Our concern was taking Spanky to the pound could be one extra step for his owner to make. We wanted man and dog to be reunited without so much fuss. Just get him home. If it meant babysitting Spanky for a few hours, what would that hurt us? We went to finish the errands we had on the list. Maybe a half an hour later Paul received call from a woman about Spanky. Spanky was not her dog. Paul told her he would be back in an hour or 2, could she please call animal control to pick him up. OK, fine. We did what we could and it was time to get The Man involved.
Paul and I returned to see the leash was on the ground next to the bowl of water. Great! Spanky was on his way to somewhere! No, the stupid bitch took him off the leash and let him go. LET HIM GO?!?!?!!! He was 2-doors down from her house. I was livid. I wanted to go to her house and tear her a new one. WTF was she thinking? “Not my dog. Not my problem.” People like this making me punching mad. I grabbed Spanky and held him until Paul returned with the leash. I ran into the house, got our dogs inside, so Paul could bring Spanky into the backyard.
Paul and I started searching online and trying to decipher Spanky’s well-worn tags. Nothing. Paul asked me if it was the right thing to take Spanky to Animal Care. I agreed. Spanky had been out for a few hours, he was still in the ‘hood, he was well cared for, well mannered; he just broke out. We loaded Spanky into the backseat of the truck and made our way to Animal Care. He had a record with them, not a bad one, just registration. We had to pass by the kennels to get him to where animals are dropped. Passing those kennels with all those dogs was crippling to me. I was trying so hard to believe this was the right decision. After all, no one was looking for Mina. If Paul had brought her here, there was no guarantee she would find a loving family and home; she would be doomed to die. I will not live with that. We waited in the rain for the door to open. I cried and cried. A volunteer came to us and asked how she could help. Probably thinking I was crying because we were giving up our sweet, handsome dog and I could not live with myself. Paul told her the story of the day and how he recently took in Daisy and Mina and his home for wayward cats. The volunteer was touched and shared if Spanky’s owner didn’t come to claim him in 4 days, he would be put up for adoption. She also shared since he is a pure-breed he will be adopted very quickly. There were two families already in the facility this week looking for a bull terrier. I guess that helped. The door finally opened and we took Spanky in the building. I was so relieved to hear his owner had already been in looking for him a few hours earlier. No matter what, Spanky’s story was a happy one in the end. Then, I had to walk by the kennels again. I was inconsolable and could not breathe by the time we got into the truck.
It was the right decision to keep Mina. It was the right decision to take Spanky to Animal Care. It was, wasn’t it?
In this rough time our country is facing, people are failing to be the least they can be: Human. They are abandoning their homes, leaving their pets inside the home or in the yard with and without food and water. They are opening their gates and letting their pets fend for themselves. Some are even driving their pets to the desert or another part of the city and dumping them. They are callously throwing away the one member of their family who never judged them, always loved them unconditionally and asked for only love and a good home in return. Why not dump your baby in the desert somewhere? That may sound obscene to most, but it is NOP DIFFERENT in my book.
I cannot give every abandoned animal a home with me. But, I can watch over the animal for an hour, a day, a week or a month until he or she can be placed with someone, who will love unwaveringly.
Come on America. Get your shit together. It is the right thing to do.
Monday morning Paul and I ran some errands. Upon our return from the morning errands Paul and I noticed 2 dogs running down our street. We went after them. Paul in one direction to the Brindle Bull Terrier, me after the yellow mutt-type dog. Thankfully, the yellow mutt had only gotten out of her yard and the owner was home. The owner was apologetic, but did not know anything about the terrier.
Who would know? Linda, the cat/dog sitter for the neighborhood. We asked and she was pretty sure the dog belonged to a person on our street.
After calling all the disconnected phone numbers on Spanky’s tag, Paul took him to the house believed to be his, left a note on the door, left him on a leash tied to the door and a bowl of water. Our concern was taking Spanky to the pound could be one extra step for his owner to make. We wanted man and dog to be reunited without so much fuss. Just get him home. If it meant babysitting Spanky for a few hours, what would that hurt us? We went to finish the errands we had on the list. Maybe a half an hour later Paul received call from a woman about Spanky. Spanky was not her dog. Paul told her he would be back in an hour or 2, could she please call animal control to pick him up. OK, fine. We did what we could and it was time to get The Man involved.
Paul and I returned to see the leash was on the ground next to the bowl of water. Great! Spanky was on his way to somewhere! No, the stupid bitch took him off the leash and let him go. LET HIM GO?!?!?!!! He was 2-doors down from her house. I was livid. I wanted to go to her house and tear her a new one. WTF was she thinking? “Not my dog. Not my problem.” People like this making me punching mad. I grabbed Spanky and held him until Paul returned with the leash. I ran into the house, got our dogs inside, so Paul could bring Spanky into the backyard.
Paul and I started searching online and trying to decipher Spanky’s well-worn tags. Nothing. Paul asked me if it was the right thing to take Spanky to Animal Care. I agreed. Spanky had been out for a few hours, he was still in the ‘hood, he was well cared for, well mannered; he just broke out. We loaded Spanky into the backseat of the truck and made our way to Animal Care. He had a record with them, not a bad one, just registration. We had to pass by the kennels to get him to where animals are dropped. Passing those kennels with all those dogs was crippling to me. I was trying so hard to believe this was the right decision. After all, no one was looking for Mina. If Paul had brought her here, there was no guarantee she would find a loving family and home; she would be doomed to die. I will not live with that. We waited in the rain for the door to open. I cried and cried. A volunteer came to us and asked how she could help. Probably thinking I was crying because we were giving up our sweet, handsome dog and I could not live with myself. Paul told her the story of the day and how he recently took in Daisy and Mina and his home for wayward cats. The volunteer was touched and shared if Spanky’s owner didn’t come to claim him in 4 days, he would be put up for adoption. She also shared since he is a pure-breed he will be adopted very quickly. There were two families already in the facility this week looking for a bull terrier. I guess that helped. The door finally opened and we took Spanky in the building. I was so relieved to hear his owner had already been in looking for him a few hours earlier. No matter what, Spanky’s story was a happy one in the end. Then, I had to walk by the kennels again. I was inconsolable and could not breathe by the time we got into the truck.
It was the right decision to keep Mina. It was the right decision to take Spanky to Animal Care. It was, wasn’t it?
In this rough time our country is facing, people are failing to be the least they can be: Human. They are abandoning their homes, leaving their pets inside the home or in the yard with and without food and water. They are opening their gates and letting their pets fend for themselves. Some are even driving their pets to the desert or another part of the city and dumping them. They are callously throwing away the one member of their family who never judged them, always loved them unconditionally and asked for only love and a good home in return. Why not dump your baby in the desert somewhere? That may sound obscene to most, but it is NOP DIFFERENT in my book.
I cannot give every abandoned animal a home with me. But, I can watch over the animal for an hour, a day, a week or a month until he or she can be placed with someone, who will love unwaveringly.
Come on America. Get your shit together. It is the right thing to do.
A New Girl in Paul’s Life
Her name is Mina. She was known as “Yellow Dog” for the first 2 weeks, while Paul tried to find her family and home. Paul was walking Daisy and Bridgette (my 12 year-old dog visiting from Tucson) when he came along a dog with a collar, but no tags. He spent days and days putting up posters in a 2-mile radius of where he found her wandering the canal. He posted her picture on every lost pet website he could find. No takers. Well, there was this one guy who thought claiming she was his dog without any other information about her was a fun, practical joke. Suffice it to say the situation escalated into involving the police and the guy backing off asking “What? You can’t take a joke?” Paul was fit to be tied. He was upset by this jack-hole, he was upset because no one was looking for her. Was she abandoned?
After exhausting his search options, Paul started to grow fond of this yellow dog. She is Daisy sized. She and Daisy romp, play, tussle, nom and nap together. It has been good for Daisy to have a playmate since her old buddy, Grendel, is gone. Paul did not want to name her. Once she was named, she was going to stay. He started thinking through names. I suggested Mina and a few others, but Mina stuck. It felt right and she seemed to like it. How ever much a dog can like her name. Mina has warm, loving eyes that make him turn to a puddle, every time she worms her way on to his lap.
Caught in a love triangle, Paul is thinking it will best to give Mina a home of her own. He has such a strong, special bond with Daisy. Right now, only time will tell if Mina will stay or find a home of her own. If she does find a home of her own, I hope it is close to Paul and Daisy. Close enough for play dates and adventures. A home where she will be top dog and receive the love she deserves and returns ten fold.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Grendel
He was 18 years-old. For the last 2 years of his life he was on medication for a hyperthyroid, he was on IV fluids and special food; he was so skinny. To me, he was my "Old Man". He was sweet and cuddley. He loved to curl up with me to watch a movie, read and sleep. I loved it, too.
Grendel on his blue blankey.Paul would regale me with stories of his more thuglike years. "He took out Nanook's eye." When I met "G-Dog", he was the biggest brute in the house. But, he was a lady's man. My friend, Heather, described him as the "George Clooney of cats". He was. In his later years he acted more like a typical, "Get off my lawn, you damn kids!" old man. He would sit on the floor at the foot of our bed and yell at us to get up and feed him. He eventually he made these subtle, little chirping sounds with a lilt on the end. Aaron nicnamed him "Grenpa". I always imagined him as a Peter Falk type, grumbling and wearing a rumpled suit, one with elbow patches. For a cat who had never lived with a dog, he and Daisy became the house's odd couple. Quite the May-December romance. She watched over him, cleaned him, napped with him.
Grendel and Daisy in their typical nap stance.
He went peacefully in the best way for him. He never gave us "the sign" that he was ready to go. He simply asked to be let out yesterday afternoon for his daily nap in the sun. He curled up in the warmth and went to sleep. Grendel, you will be missed. You had a good life. I am lucky to have been a part of it.
From Grendel to his droves of adoring female fans...
To all the girls I've loved before
Who traveled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before
Thank you to my friends who have said wonderful things about Grendel. The house wasn't the same without him.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
November 2008
Where to begin? I started the month sick and ended the month even sicker. I started the month employed and ended it unemployed. Once upon a time I had health insurance, now I no longer do. And my stepfather died. It was a long month.
Due to losing my health insurance, a very long and tragic ordeal, I was unable to receive my infusion (the VERY EXPENSIVE) drug, that keeps me in remission for 8 weeks at a time, for 5 weeks. After some paperwork was filled and sent to the drug company I was approved for a program that gives patients the drug at the cost of the time spent in the doctor’s office. Tell me why I did not hear about this program before I started paying through the nose to COBRA? Suffice it to say, the cost of time spent in the doctor’s office is a fraction of the amount I was paying to not have to pay regular retail ($5000/infusion). Yes, $5000; that was no typo. Since Nike I have been sick like it was 1996 all over again, except this time I knew what I was fighting. I lost 15 pounds from malnutrition, vomiting and other nefarious indigestions. Why wouldn’t everyone want to try this diet of losers?
Then I lost my job. I am looking and it is getting harder by the day. I think I have a good lead and it disappears. Did you know 533,000 people lost their jobs in November? At least I am not alone out there in the market already saturated with job seekers. I’m in great company and out numbered.
After a long, defeating and ugly battle with emphysema and COPD my mother’s husband of 25 years finally died November 18th. Mom took a leave of absence to care for him in his final months. She was a real trooper. He was a real SOB. He was only worse as the end dragged on and on. If I believed in it, I would probably go to hell for that ”SOB” comment, but I wouldn’t be alone. We did not see eye to eye and I will leave it at that.
After his death Mom and I spent time with family in CA. Friends and family we had not seen in almost 3 years, because we were unable to leave her husband alone for more than a couple of hours, we got to see.
As this year draws to a close in 21 days, I look back on it. It sucked. I spent most of the year sick, fighting with my changing disease and symptoms. I stood by my family in Tucson and watched death take her sweet time. I lost my job. I couldn’t even run my half-marathon. I lost more than I gained in 2008.
Yes, I am down. I am very down. I hope 2009 is an improvement. I usually fight and put on the face of someone who does not give up or let "it" get me down. I do not have what it takes right now to fight and I am very tired. I ask for permission to be sad and feel defeated.
Due to losing my health insurance, a very long and tragic ordeal, I was unable to receive my infusion (the VERY EXPENSIVE) drug, that keeps me in remission for 8 weeks at a time, for 5 weeks. After some paperwork was filled and sent to the drug company I was approved for a program that gives patients the drug at the cost of the time spent in the doctor’s office. Tell me why I did not hear about this program before I started paying through the nose to COBRA? Suffice it to say, the cost of time spent in the doctor’s office is a fraction of the amount I was paying to not have to pay regular retail ($5000/infusion). Yes, $5000; that was no typo. Since Nike I have been sick like it was 1996 all over again, except this time I knew what I was fighting. I lost 15 pounds from malnutrition, vomiting and other nefarious indigestions. Why wouldn’t everyone want to try this diet of losers?
Then I lost my job. I am looking and it is getting harder by the day. I think I have a good lead and it disappears. Did you know 533,000 people lost their jobs in November? At least I am not alone out there in the market already saturated with job seekers. I’m in great company and out numbered.
After a long, defeating and ugly battle with emphysema and COPD my mother’s husband of 25 years finally died November 18th. Mom took a leave of absence to care for him in his final months. She was a real trooper. He was a real SOB. He was only worse as the end dragged on and on. If I believed in it, I would probably go to hell for that ”SOB” comment, but I wouldn’t be alone. We did not see eye to eye and I will leave it at that.
After his death Mom and I spent time with family in CA. Friends and family we had not seen in almost 3 years, because we were unable to leave her husband alone for more than a couple of hours, we got to see.
As this year draws to a close in 21 days, I look back on it. It sucked. I spent most of the year sick, fighting with my changing disease and symptoms. I stood by my family in Tucson and watched death take her sweet time. I lost my job. I couldn’t even run my half-marathon. I lost more than I gained in 2008.
Yes, I am down. I am very down. I hope 2009 is an improvement. I usually fight and put on the face of someone who does not give up or let "it" get me down. I do not have what it takes right now to fight and I am very tired. I ask for permission to be sad and feel defeated.
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