It has been almost 12 weeks since I started feeling like poo. My Crohn's is still giving me a run for my money. Nothing like it did in '95 and '96 or like when my sick gallbladder and appendix went sour in '01. I have already lost 10 lbs this time 'round. Its the diet of champions! Feel like crap and lose weight! Be too miserable to wear skinny jeans, because they hurt! Why has this diet not caught on? I ask you. So, it is time for lemonade!
Not that I am going to consume lemonade, that might be a bad scene for my belly bone. I mean the whole lemons to lemonade thing. I will not give up, even though I feel awful. I am keeping my sense of humor, even if I have become something of a hermit. Yes, there are days when I assume the "question mark" position and spasms are worse than any menstrual cramp ever conceived. When the smell of my favorite foods and beverages send me running to the bathroom. It can be down right depressing. Do you know when I had my last cup of coffee? I don't even know! Even the smell of those beautiful, dark roasted beans grinding and pressing through our espresso machine makes me nauseous. So sad. OK, moving on to sunnier thoughts...
I will not give up my fight. I think back to last year's half-marathon training in the fabulous, AZ heat at 5am and how much my health improved. Over the course of the year I was able to widen the gap between Remicade infusions from 6 weeks to 8 weeks to 10 weeks. (My current episode has nothing to do with the frequency of infusions. Stress is the culprit.)
I got involved with TnT/LLS to "give back" for all the support they have provided for patients and families with blood cancers. My father may have lost his fight; but in the 28 years since, HUGE strides have been made. I am pushing myself harder this year and run/walking, not walk/running. That is a part of my bonus to myself: improved well-being and keeping my CD in its corner, where it belongs. I missed the first Team run this morning, due to my "stress factor". This year I am losing my step-dad. He has been in hospice since March 27th.
He is my major stress, it has been long journey for him. I am with him as much as I can be. I am supporting Mom as much as I can. They are 100 miles away and I make that drive almost every week. I hate seeing him this way. He is clear of mind, but his body has had enough. This year is going to be difficult, I know it. I am prepared for it. I acknowledge and embrace it. He is not dying from a blood cancer, but I am losing the man who has been my dad for 25 years. Many emotions are churned, demons are fought and tears are cried.
This year I run for life, life for all.
I dedicate this marathon to Jim, my dad.
I run in memory of Wayne, my daddy.
I run in honor of Alice, my friend and survivor.
1 comment:
Dear, Dear Erica...
I am so sad that you have been having such a hard time of it lately. I know you've been sick, and I know the situation with your dad has been difficult.
I apologize with all my heart if there is anything I could have done/could be doing to make things a little easier for you.
Will you please let me know if there is?
You remain in my thoughts and prayers, and I am so looking forward to our getting together again soon to address and alleviate the caffeine deficiency from which you currently suffer.
I know that every little bit helps!
Love you, lady.
Elle
Posted by Fabled Disgrace on Monday, May 26, 2008 at 2:33 PM
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