The Voice from the Doll House

Yes, I am fun. I am oodles of fun. My biggest, most epic heart break even told me I am crush worthy. He also said I was a powerful combination. I like things boys like: to swear, to burp, to perfect the perfect sound effect, make an arse of myself, get dirty, and fall down; all the while loving anything to do with science fiction, car chases, gun fights, explosions, ninjas, pirates, robots, kick-ass stunts and I can give the thumbs up/down to hot/or not chics. I like things girls normally don't like and many women find me as a threat. How preposterous could they be? Married men and spoken for guys think I'm cool. I remind them of their... Their what? Youth? Lost years? I don't know. Young, mid-land to old, boys think I am just swell for a spell.

Well, guess what spoken for ladies? Just because I can quote Star Wars doesn't make me a threat to you and your man, it makes me a dork. Boys love dorks, they don't want to run away with them or marry them. So, you are safe. For girls like me and sisters, you know who you are... It makes for a lot of cold, lonely nights watching reruns of Firefly and MASH alone, while you are in bed with the man, who adores you with every ember of his being. One day there may be a man who will be that to me, but that man ain't your man. The idea of taking another woman's man ranks up there with eating a live cockroach. Or a dead cockroach. Not gonna do it.

Yet, it doesn't stop the reality that single boys only take me out from behind the glass and off my shelf to play with me for a while. When they are done I get tossed aside, left at the lake or thrown from the window at 95 mph. Every time one of these or some other ridiculous thing happens, I pick myself up, collect all my broken bits and bobs, and heal myself on my shelf, safe behind my glass for the next one... And I let them.

Take it from the doll left on the shelf...

• Lick your wounds in a classy, sassy hotel.
• Drink hot tea with real honey in your room, no matter how much the cute check-in guy tries to sell you the bar and drink specials, tells you he knows how you feel and he gets off shift at... to your sad, bloodshot eyes. Walk away. Order room service.
• Do NOT drown your sorrows in a crappy movie made for Sci-Fi movie starring Lou Diamond Phillips. Come to think of it... Don't watch Lifetime either.
• Never, never, never let them see your tears.
• Stay in your room surrounded by big, cozy pillows, covered in a fluffy comforter.
• Take the Aveda the staff so kindly left for you.
• When an old friend offers to make you a cup of coffee or a quiche: say, "Yes." Even if He broke your heart or you broke His a lifetime ago, in a galaxy far away... Go, because He, as any good friend, will listen and always be on your side. If the old friend is a she, She will have your six, a glass of your fave Shiraz or the best broken heart cure: Mac'n Cheese ready with a box of the good tissues when you hit the front stoop.
• Most important to always remember: Do not hate those single, toy-loving boys for being human. People are people, feelings are feelings; no one can stop another from being who they or what they feel. OK, the only time you get to hate him is if he backed over your cat or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

And in the morning, when the hurt has lessened and the day is new... Drop the top, put the hammer down and hit the highway like a battering ram. Do it all over again.

I know the signs. I see them, but I still walk into the fire. I cannot feel the heat without the chance of being singed. I have one life to live and I will live it by my rules. I will drain this life of its juices and have as much fun one can possibly muster!